Erotic Lounge - Short Works
Ying Yang Love (Ramblings of a Poetic Madman)
She comes with too many questions. Too much thought is involved now and the natural flow of desire, lust, is disturbed, as it becomes something of an entity of the mundane bogged down with the inherent problems of everyday living. There is no more escapism involved, as one would venture to a movie and let your mind take flight, destination unknown. That’s how it was once upon a time. A reprieve from the world where the only unspoken rule is pleasure at all cost and the sanctity of mutual satisfaction is upheld. And at the end of the journey, you both went your separate ways, free to indulge in the fantasies that run rampant, untamed through the wilds of your mind. Now, she wears the eyes of the forlorn, of the broken hearted, the hopeful ones and pleasure is no longer a euphoric release but tinged with guilt as the moment of release arrives and your thoughts have already left the bedroom. Physically you’re still there, but mentally, the escape is complete and you’re completely free to travel at your mind’s discretion. Her love was quiet, unspoken and lay sleeping in the dark never to be seen. Without a voice, no whispers can be heard and even when it’s real, because it is voiceless,it remains unheard. The quiet won’t be quiet for too long. In its silence, it gathers strength, gaining speed and momentum and then one day, there is no more silence. The quiet has been interrupted and a voice speaks. Love has a voice and her allies are lust and desire. Together, they have forged an alliance to topple the regime of your fortified bubble. Inside the bubble, the air isn’t as sweet anymore. And the mind diseases of the outside world have somehow latched onto love and her allies and attached themselves to a once beautiful mind. The air is sour, rancid and lust and desire have gone into hiding, semi-retirement. Call us, they both say, once you’ve rid yourself (they say it quietly because they fear to speak her name). To utter it would make it real. To merely think it would seemingly make it only temporary, like a bad dream that will end before you die. Solace has been disturbed and sacred ground has been trampled on with disrespect. She thinks she knows what’s best for you, and takes the lead in your dance. You are left to follow a path not made for you, but the sheer will of her insistence leaves you without a choice. And here you stand, balancing between good and evil, your future and the past, the moment of now. Who owns the proxy to make your decisions? There is no proxy. You are the decision maker and the wrong choice right now could alter the fortunes of your future. A commercial break from life would be welcomed right about now. That needed time to catch your breath, give your heart time to catch up with your thoughts and together they will make a dash for the border or embrace the growing whisper in your soul. She has sought you out, laid claim to your loneliness and the choice is to choose her. Once the choice has been made, will the questions cease or will her girlfriends’ lust and desire stay quiet and go gracefully out to pasture? Love personifies the word beautiful and in her presence you too are beautiful.
A funny thing happened along the way: at first, subtle, but anyone looking closely can now see the discernable difference in you. Where darkness had taken up permanent residence now a light shines through filled with hope and the joy of a child just happy to be happy, and they don’t even know that they are radiating happiness. The confidence of knowing you are worthy of love now travels in your every step and those times of self-doubt are a distant memory. You can now smile at the thought of the one who caused you so much pain. You are healed once you can laugh about the lowest point in your life. Time does heal. Love heals also when she’s wrapped in its friend, forgiveness.
The Ying and Yang of love, a river that flows both ways, clashing on their way to their inevitable destination but, rough waters along the way force them to forge an alliance of survival. Somewhere along the way, the waters become calm and love once again triumphs over her misguided foes, apathy and despair. A heart once left to swim in murky waters has come up for air after an extended vacation in the abyss. The air is sweet, just as you remembered it, and the life that left your soul, changing the path of who you were going to be, has returned to the place of its birth, your heart. You feel like a balloon being filled with love and, with every passing day, the joy of happiness you feel waking up every morning has you feeling like the years of heartache are a distant memory. You wonder why so much time was wasted on things you knew would only cause you pain and deter you from the path you were meant to walk. Reflecting back at all the faces, lips, smiles and sounds made only for the night blend into each other like a tapestry of a phantom heart, each one pledging their undying love but their words were always met with indifference. Indifference born not of callousness but, a desire to feel that your heart is being touched with as much passion that runs searing through your veins. Anything less than the pinnacle just won’t suffice. Once you’ve been to the mountaintop and enjoyed the view basking in all its beauty, anything less than that picture isn’t as beautiful.
A wise friend once said to me, that every time you sleep with someone you don’t love, you lose a piece of your soul. The essence of who you truly are is slowly dying without a fight. Imagine, she said, if you’ve already slept with three women you didn’t love (them loving you doesn’t count), you are giving yourself away to another soul who can’t truly appreciate it because you don’t hold them in the same regard as they hold you. To hammer her point home even further she went on to say, visualize yourself as a glass of water and that every person you’ve shared yourself with and didn’t love takes a drink of your water. Soon enough, you will be empty. The only way to keep the glass full is to love someone and by doing this, you will stop taking and start giving. Your cup will then runneth over. Advice given should always be taken. I say all this to say that on the journey, every flower smelled has been beautiful, even those with the occasional bee in hiding which caused temporary pain. Long after the pain has subsided, you can’t help but remember the initial feeling of inhaling a beautiful flower that blooms only for you. It’s a scent that creates a memory all its own.
Copyright © www.deanthepoet.com
(The thought process behind this is not merely a mirror into my own psyche or to strum my own guitar. It’s rather an attempt at looking at love/lust/desire/madness/passion call it what you want through one eye, but seeing different perspectives. Somewhere along the way, we’ve all inhabited different personas that we have mistaken for love and then, somewhere along the way, we find it--love--quite by accident. Anyway, take this for what you will…)